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          There is more than one victim in each child abuse case. I have found in my work with the abuser, that he usually is having a battle within himself.  Remember when I explained that the Subconscious Mind cannot handle yes/no situations? The Subconscious sends out a “feel-bad” directly related to the importance the person puts on the situation.  Therefore, if it is a very important yes/no situation, you will experience a very big “feel-bad.”

          The abuser observes the child in a given situation.  If that situation is in direct conflict with what the abuser was taught to think, the yes/no situation is recorded.  Rather than seeing the situation as a learning situation for the child, as a logical and rational adult should; and rather than stopping and thinking and correcting the child in a firm, relaxed, loving manner; the person reacts violently to the situation.  In many of these instances, the child abuser will only be abusive with one of several children.  Regardless of the situation, the child abuser is only reacting; he is not thinking.  Animals react. People can learn to think and that is what this book is all about.

          The abuser has allowed his Subconscious to take control of his body, and a child suffers.  One young lady who was in my office claimed that her mother would line her children up along the wall and slap each one.  If a child flinched, she would hit the child again.  To most people, this sounds like child abuse, but this mother, in her own stupid way, was teaching her children to take a punch and survive out there in the cold, cruel world. Unfortunately, this was her way of loving and teaching her children to survive.  Child abuse comes in all forms.

          Often, the child abuser just thinks that he is taking charge over the child and is teaching the child right from wrong.  The abuser, in this case, does not see himself as a cruel person or as an abuser.  However, some child abusers are remorseful and later sorry for their actions.  They think they just cannot control themselves.  Remember, an abuser is not responding to the child.  He is responding to old information from the past which is stored in his Memory Bank.

          Any number of things can be taking place in the mind of the abuser when he is beating up on a child.  Remember, the Subconscious can be triggered through any of the senses. The abuser hears something, sees something, touches something, smells something, thinks something that relates back to an old “feel-bad” situation.  Then he goes in to his abusive actions to eliminate his own “feel-bad.”  He is reacting.  He is not thinking.

          If you are in a situation where you know a person is abusing a child and you allow it to happen more than once, you are just training him to continue.  You, in essence, are approving of the abuse, by not taking a stand to prevent it. Whether it is your child or someone other person's child, you are responsible to check out the facts.  If you are married to a child abuser, take a stand.  Would you want someone to stand up for you if you were getting beaten up? If you are afraid of the abuser, you had better get additional help quickly.  If not, you lose.  And the child surely loses.

          Many times, child abuser’s spouses will allow abuse of their children because they are down on themselves and fear that they will not get another mate if they lose the one they have.  They sometimes think that what they have is better than nothing and they are willing to sacrifice the child because of their own ignorance and greed.  If a mother or father allows children in the home to be abused by the other spouse, he or she should also experience the law to its fullest extent.  Guilty by submission; guilty by association; guilty for not stepping in and seeking help; guilty, guilty, guilty!  If that child abuser goes to jail, people in jail hate child abusers.  I would not like to go there.

          The answer: EDUCATION. Several things should be taught to the child abuser.  One: that the child can be damaged physically, mentally, or both. Two: that the abuser does have control over his Subconscious Mind and his actions, even though he thinks he does not. Three: he will surely pay to the full extent of the law for his abusive actions.  If, after the abuser is informed of how the mind works and how the law works, he or she continues to abuse the child, the law must prevail.  There must be laws and enforcement of these laws in order to maintain an organized and safe society.

          I have worked with many abused children, as well as adults who claim to have been abused as children.  Some really were abused and others were not.  They just thought they were.  Fortunately, many were just cases where the person felt that the other children in the family were getting preferential treatment.  In about 90% of the cases where the client has brothers and sisters, the client claimed that he always got the short end of the stick.  “My older or younger brother or sister always got treated better than I did.  They were always getting me into trouble.  Mother and Daddy loved them more than they did me.”  But, every time, and that’s every time, I have talked with the other children in the family, the story was just the reverse.  They thought they got the short end of the deal.  So, if you are sitting there reading this and you think that your parents shortchanged you, you are probably wrong.

          I have never, absolutely never, met a mother or father who did not love his or her child.  The parents may have been ignorant about teaching and raising children, but they always loved their child.  Often, the parents will give more attention to the child they perceive as the weaker one. If they feel that the child needs more help, they will go out of their way to help that child.  So, if it appears that you were overlooked, you were not.  Your parents probably felt that you were stronger and more capable.

          I once had a client who claimed that he was never given the opportunity to be a normal child.  His parents were very wealthy and they lived on a vast estate.  He had a big lake to fish in and the countryside to play in.  But he was never allowed to get dirty.  He always had to look neat.  Therefore, he didn’t feel that he was like other children.  This person, as an adult, spent all his time complaining about his childhood.  He complained so much that he was unable to function as a normal adult.

          It is foolish to sit back and think about things that you cannot change.  I have never met a person who could change his childhood.

          So goes the case of the person who was truly abused as a child.  He or she has not been trained to know that the past is the past and it is foolish to pass judgment on a parent who was ignorant of the ways of good parenting. That child abuser was not an abuser automatically.  The world taught him to be the way he is.  He is a conditioned animal.

          Remember, every child abuser was born on a given day as a tiny baby, knowing nothing.  The world took this child and taught him how to react and to not think.  The child abuser thinks he is correct.  So, if you were abused as a child, decide NOW that you are no longer affected by your past; you are a logical, rational, thinking person who chooses his own feelings; and you will choose only good feelings from now on.

          If you sit around and play “poor me,” you lose.  Determine that you are a product of the way you choose to think today, not the product of your past.

          If you are still in a situation that you think is abusive, seek the help of professionals.  Consult your teachers, your minister, your friends, your neighbors, and your law enforcement agencies.  If you do not get help from one source, go to another.  Sooner or later, you will get the help you seek.  Refuse to be a victim any longer.


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