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 The objective is to get someone to do something, without getting into an argument.

          Let’s assume for a moment that you have a grizzly bear living in your backyard. If you go into the backyard, take a baseball bat and hit the bear in the head with it, you’re going to have a fight on your hands.  The bear will not stand for that type of treatment.  Let’s say that you went down to the local supermarket and purchased a package of bear cookies.  You know, the great big ones next to the dog biscuits.  Now that you have purchased the cookies, take the cookies and the baseball bat and go back into the yard where you keep your pet grizzly bear.  The whole idea is to get the bear to do as he is told.  First, pitch the bear a cookie.  Wait until he picks up the cookie and starts to eat it.  Then, hit him with the baseball bat.  Before the bear can fight you, he will have to put down the cookie.  If it is a good cookie, he will take the punch. If not, you lose!

          I have done this to you many times during the writing of this book.  I threw you the cookie and then threw you the punch.  Example: “You are a wise and intelligent person.  Simply do as I have advised in this book.” A person will not turn on himself and admit that he is not wise and intelligent.  Therefore, he accepts the entire statement.  Because people were not trained to stop and think before they act and speak, the average person will accept the command, in order to keep the cookies.  Example: My boys’ pickup truck needed a new bearing on one of the rear axles.  The process takes about thirty seconds, but a large press is required to press off the old bearing and press on the new.  I bought a new bearing and took the bearing and axle into the machine shop to have it pressed.  As I walked up to the counter, I could see that the machinist looked as though he had swallowed a handful of nails.  He looked like the “Grinch that stole Christmas”! 

          As he came up to the counter, I said, “Say, they tell me next door at the parts house that you are the resident genius-in-charge.  They say that you know more about this machine shop than anybody.  Could you press this bearing on this axle for me while I wait?” He yanked that axle and bearing out of my hands, went over to the press, and in about 30 to 45 seconds, he had done the job.  I paid him $5.00 and I was out the door.

          I was on my lunch hour and had I rushed into the shop and said, “I am on my lunch hour and I am in a big hurry.  Could you press this axle and bearing for me?”  He could have said, “Say, it is lunch time.  I had better go to lunch, too.”  By my using a small bit of information that may or may not have been true, I said something nice to the man and it probably made his day.  Use this procedure on everybody.  You will be surprised how people will react to something favorable that is said about them.

          Now, you have been reading this book and this particular chapter.  I know you are basically a good person and you are a person that has a fantastic mind.  Do as I recommend in this book.  See, I got you!  You do not want to argue with my last statement.  It works.  So, use it!

          Many people come to my office complaining that their parents run their lives, even after they are married.  Often, a person that is 50 to 60 years old will complain that his 70 or 80 year old parents are driving him up the wall.  When I ask him why he doesn’t tell his parents how he feels, he generally says, “I can’t talk that way to my parents; I would not want to hurt my Mother’s feelings;” or “I just couldn’t hurt my father’s feelings that way.”

          As you remember, in earlier chapters, I explained to you that people choose their own feelings, so you must say what you think.  People do not understand, until you tell them what you think. They can’t see inside your mind.  They cannot tell what you are thinking, so you must tell them.

          Generally, the older a person gets, the smarter and the more cunning he becomes. If you are allowing your parents to run your life and you are an adult, it is probably because they are smarter at maneuvering people than you are.  And, generally, the one motive they have in mind is to try to help you, because parents love their children.  It makes no difference if they know how to show it or not.  Parents love their children.  So, when you look at your parents, look beyond the surface.  See the real person, the father or mother who is doing what he or she thinks is right. I haven’t met a person yet that has done something for any other reason.  The person simply thinks he is right.  So, the next time that one of your parents gets his feelings hurt because of something you do or say, that is his problem.

          The best way to tell your parents “how the cow ate the cabbage” is to say to them, “Look, I think you are the best parents in the world.  I love you dearly.  I think you are the greatest.”  (That’s the cookie.)  “Now, get off my back.”  (That’s the punch.)  What you have done is, you have reassured them that you love them very much.  You have told them they are the greatest and then you have followed up and told them what you think about what they are doing.  It’s not a matter of believing your words yourself.  It’s a matter of manipulating the person so he experiences a “feel-good” while you are giving your opinion.

          The reverse is also true.  As you know, as long as you believe he loves you and likes you and cares for you deeply, you will listen to what he has to say.  Now, you can see how to throw the bear the cookie and hit him in the mouth without his ever knowing he was hit.  So, if you tell someone that you like and respect him, but you don’t particularly like the way he acts, you will get a lot further than you would if you verbally attacked that person with only negatives.  As long as you don’t attack someone personally, you can say what you want to say and they will choose to feel o.k.

          The same procedure works in reverse when dealing with children.  You must let them know that you love them dearly.  It makes no difference if you understand or agree with them.  You love them dearly and you are going to give them your opinion.

          If you will develop this next little technique, I think you will find that you can get along with almost anyone.  You might say to a person, “I may not understand how you think and it’s not important that I agree with you, but tell me how you think.  And, you may not understand or agree with me and that is all right, too. Let me tell you how I think.”  You will be amazed at the “feel-goods” this technique can produce.

          Just remember: No one can read another person's mind.  You MUST say what you think and encourage others to do the same.


Chapter 9..To Drink or Not To Drink


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