CHAPTER 37

WHAT HAPPENED TO TOM RAY?

30 HOURS IN A DAY!

WHY DID TOM RAY CRASH?

          This is the last and final chapter of this particular book. I want to share with you something that happened to me. I do not want you to do some of the no-good things that I did.

          The date of the writing of this chapter is twenty years from the date of the first chapter.  Several months ago, I was eating breakfast at one of the local restaurants.  Something strange came over my body, almost instantly.  I could not eat my breakfast.  I began to shake or quiver inside my body and I had to get up from the table and go outside.

          From that day forward, I had a total loss of appetite, but knew I had to eat to survive.  I began to drink V8 juice, chocolate milk, or any other liquid that I could quickly put into my stomach.  I could drink the juice or whatever my wife liquefied in the blender, but I could no longer face food on a plate.  Once the juice or blended food was in my stomach, the jitters, gut nervousness, and/or “feel-bads” went away.  In an hour or so, I had to drink something again, because the jitters reappeared.

          Part of my continuing body breakdown was a result of my attempt to solve the situation.  In other words, as I tried to find the answer to the body breakdown and was not able to, it created for me, a very big yes/no situation.

          Remember, the mind cannot handle a yes/no situation and will send you a “feel-bad” in order to get you off the yes/no thinking and to get you to think ”yes” or “no.”

          Here I was, having these strange things happen in my body and I could not find the answer.  At first, I thought I had food poisoning.  I went through every scenario possible, but still I had the “feel-bads.” I began to lose weight rapidly. I was deteriorating, both mentally and physically.         Early in the process, I went to the doctor and he concluded, after about five minutes, that I had an over-acid stomach and I was depressed. I just laughed in his face. “Tom Ray depressed? Doc, you’ve got to be out of your mind!”  He gave me pills for my stomach and pills for the depression and I went home and did not take them.  My mistake.

          Doctors are trained to assist us in returning to good health. You should listen, but not become totally dependent on the doctor.  You and you alone are responsible for your good health.  Your doctor is there to aid you and direct you.  Use his advice, but do not become a “doctor junkie,” like a lot of people do.  For the doctor junkie, every little thing that comes up means a trip to the doctor.

          Back to my story. I did not take the pills.  I continued to self-analyze and, unfortunately, agonize over my inability to solve the lousy conditions I was experiencing inside my body.

          As time went by, I talked as though I must be going crazy. I knew that I was not going crazy, because I knew I had control of my illogical Subconscious.  That still did not stop me from verbalizing that “I must be going crazy.”  Since “I must be going crazy” is a command, my downward spiral continued.  I experienced crazy thoughts.  I tried to analyze the reason for the crazy thinking and I came up with no answers.  So, the yes/no situation kicked me in the face again.

          Here I was, Tom Ray, super-genius, the man who wrote the Laws of the Subconscious; the man who taught and helped thousands; and I was beginning to realize that I was not solving my own health problem.

          I knew all along I was not a Superman. I liked to play in my mind that I was Superman. I believed I could overcome any and all adversities.  But, here I was, thinking crazy thoughts and doing crazy things inside my body.

          The downfall continued. As I analyzed the situation, I dragged up every mistake that I thought I had made throughout my life.  As I dragged up these mistakes, my mind would send me another “feel-bad.”  The more “feel-bads” I had, the more I thought I was going crazy!

          The more I thought I was going crazy, the more conflict I had in my mind.  I knew full well that I consciously control my Subconscious.  Therefore, I could not go crazy.  But, I still had the hurt in my guts and nervousness in my body every hour or so, if I did not chug-a-lug some liquid nourishment. The pain and jittery feeling continued, so I kept going down the tubes, emotionally and physically.

          I started going to every doctor I could find that I thought could help me.  I first went to an Internal Medicine doctor who said I had acid reflux and I was depressed. He made this conclusion in about five minutes and I didn’t take his advice.

          The second was an Internal Medicine holistic health doctor. After all his tests and hundreds of dollars later, he concluded my body chemistry was perfect.  He said I must be depressed. HA! Not that again.

          The third doctor was yet another Internal Medicine doctor who prescribed a lot of vitamins and natural substances.  He said I overworked myself and my adrenal glands were probably shot and, as a result, I was depressed.

          By now, I could still find no real problem, but my body still hurt.  I still had the jitters and I was continuing to lose weight.  With each encounter, the doctors said I was physically healthy; my blood chemistry was excellent; and, basically, I must be depressed and stressed. Again, I was not buying it.  This added fuel to the fire of the yes and no together. I felt lousy. They said I was healthy.  I could not conceive of myself as being depressed.  Down the tubes, I continued.

          I would wake between four and five o’clock in the morning, shaking and quivering inside. So, I would go to the kitchen and chug-a-lug orange juice and a thick protein drink that a friend suggested. I would go back to bed and about two hours later, the shakes would start again. Then, I would get up, go outside and walk very fast, up and down the steep driveway behind my house.  I must have looked like a man possessed! By doing this crazy walking, I seemed to be able to tolerate the “feel-bads.”

          I went to my shop building earlier and earlier every day, taking snack items, such as cheese, fruit and crackers, to pick at all day long.  I drank V8 juice and chocolate milk or whatever I could find that I thought would help me. Sometimes I would crawl around the floor in my house and cry. On bad days, which was almost every day, I would have both crying and self-analysis sessions with my wife. While I was doing all of these crazy things, I was attempting to analyze and rationalize each and every action.  It was like being down a hole, shoveling out dirt, while some clown (me) was shoveling the dirt back in the hole.

          I was obsessed with solving this craziness.  After exploring these actions with one doctor, he prescribed pills for OCD, obsessive compulsive disorder. I had been pegged again.  But, each crazy thing I did was nothing more than an attempt to stop the shaking and pain in my body.

          Many weeks passed and I did nothing, except suffer the “feel-bads” and do crazy things.  Now the pain in my body did not let up, so I began to think, “I’ll just get rid of the pain by killing myself.”  I knew full well that I was not going to kill myself.  I knew I had total control over my “feel-bad” thoughts from the Subconscious.  The Subconscious is not logical, so it sends out different thoughts in ways to get rid of the “feel-bads.”

          I would get thoughts of drugs. I am not stupid.  I don’t take drugs.  I thought of alcohol.  Still, I am not stupid.  I know alcohol will not solve the problem.  It will only numb the brain and make you squirrelly in the process, plus, cook your liver.

          I thought about electrocution, but I knew that could possibly only cook my brain and I would be a veggie. Plus, I knew I would not, at any time, do anything to harm my body.  That did not keep me from talking to my wife about my thoughts. She related those conversations to my kids and they had her remove anything she thought I could kill myself with.  I only wish she could have been inside my mind.  I had no intention of ever hurting myself.  I was trying to figure out how to help myself.  Remember, all this time, I was trying to find answers.  But, when my wife heard me talk of doing myself in, she became even more concerned.

          I knew that I needed all the good suggestions I could get, in order to survive this ridiculous situation.  During my better times, I made three special Tom Ray Tapes, to support my healing process.  I used those three tapes, plus my standard Relaxation Tape and my Good Health Tape.  I truly believe that without this mental support, I would be dead today.  I knew I had a choice. I chose to live. When you are alive, you can eventually overcome adversity.  When you are dead, you have no second chance.

          All during this time, I would have moments of “feel-goods.”  During those times, I would instruct my wife on how she was to deal with me during my crazy times. I call them my crazy times, because my thinking was sometimes illogical.  Those times were nothing more than the illogical Subconscious sending out suggestions on how to deal with the “feel-bads.”       

          I must have called every friend I had, in an effort to find answers.  I called a high school friend who is an RN, Ph.D. and asked for her advice.  I followed it and, for a couple of days, I was fine; but then, I went back to “crazy feel-bad city.”  I called an old fishing buddy and told him I thought I was going crazy.  I went to see him and had two good days and then back to “squirrel city.”

          I searched out anybody that I knew that may have encountered this type of situation and everybody generally concluded that I was overworked and depressed.  HA! Not again! Not me, Tom Ray! I was Superman!

          I decided I must be dying of heart trouble; therefore, big “feel-bad.”  So, I spent even more money and went to see a heart specialist.  He put me on the treadmill, took pictures of my heart, and indicated I was as healthy as a horse.  Bear in mind, I am now 60 and he said I was in super-dooper great health, heart-wise.  When I was on the treadmill, he had to almost get me into a full run to get my heart rate up.  That means I am so relaxed, I can work and walk and exert myself and still not get overly fatigued. You guessed it! The heart doctor concluded that I must be depressed.  

I decided to go to another Internal Medicine specialist, because that was where the pain and “feel-bad” was and he sent me to have an abdominal CT scan, which meant more money down the tubes.  The scan basically found nothing. I was perfectly healthy.  He convinced me that I should take the antacid pills; take the anti-depression pills; and also, take a little valium.

          The internal mental conflict really began.  What would happen to all those nice people that read my book and found out that I took anti-depression pills and valium.  My goose was really cooked.  The big yes/no gremlin was really about to get me.

          I decided to do as he said.  I started taking the acid pills and the depression pills to see if I would get a change in the abdominal pain.  I seemed to get a little relief, but not total.  My craziness continued until one day I felt so bad, crazy-wise that I decided if it were my time to die, even with all the projects I had on the table, so be it.

          Fortunately, I was too healthy to die.  I was just confused.  During all this time, I had bouts with crying, sleeping all the time, and not eating: classic examples of severe yes/no thinking.  As we all know by now, the doctors call that “depression.”

          One morning, I was having a really bad time and I was getting nowhere fast.  The pain and misery had reached a level that had I been struck by lightening and died, my Subconscious would have won.  Unfortunately, if you kill yourself, you cannot come back tomorrow and do all those fun things there are to do out there in this exciting world.

          During that morning’s crying and crazy talk, (Bless my wife’s heart; she deserves a crown for putting up with me) I finally let everything go and turned it over to my Maker; my God.  This allowed my mind to have peace.  If you do not have a God and you allow yourself to get to where I was, read, re-read and read my book again; talk to some professionals; get some outside opinions.  But, finally, change the way of life that got you to where you are.  Let it go. Take another path. It doesn’t hurt to get advice from others and to use that advice.

          Here is what happened to me.  Remember, I thought I was Superman.  I was in the process of running a small one-man business as an RV dealer.  The reason I left the Hypnosis business was that when I went into the business, there were only 3 or 4 of us in town and 10 years later, hypnotists were all over the place.  If you have too many gas stations in town, someone is going to go broke.  I went into the RV business, because it made me a living and I enjoyed doing it.  I would sell 50-75 units a year.

          OK, here I was selling 50-75 RV’s a year. I had to find them and then buy them.  I had to get them home.  I had to fix them, advertise them and then, show them to customers.  Finally, I have to sell them and sometimes, even deliver them.  All this involved one to two units a week, which was a lot of effort. 

          During this time, I also obtained my third U.S. Government patent.  I was working hard with one of my sons on a patent we have together, a really neat lighted name tag and was attempting to build a large company with little money.  I spent every moment of my time writing, working, and starting a company.  Now, I decided I needed to build an office complex to house these offices we were going to need.  Only I decided to build them myself, by hand!  Yes, hammer and nails! 

With my regular RV job, my patent promotions, my writing, my attempt to help everybody that needed help and money, my completion of this book after 20 years and guess what? The body gave out. I would get fatigued, not eat, take aspirin for the pain of fatigue, and I became a work, no-play freak, needing 3 to 4 aspirins every night, which caused havoc with my system.  I crashed one day and you know the rest.

          My very simple suggestion for you is to live life in moderation.  Understand you are not going to save the world. Understand that all those around you are not your responsibility, unless they are children or the elderly.  Help when you can, but save a little piece of mind for yourself.  Control that Subconscious, do a few good deeds and live a long, healthy and happy life.  Remember to tell the truth, because the Subconscious cannot handle yes and no together.

          I am now back to being my old self.  My eating is back to normal. I have no pain and I am completely off the medicine.  My health is completely restored.  I no longer take on the problems of the world.  I am not Superman.  I am only the messenger.  What you do with the message I give you is your doing, not mine.  If you gain, fine.  If you lose, it’s not my fault.

          I would like to make your world perfect, but I must keep myself healthy first.  I must put myself first and stay healthy, in order to help teach you how to make your world perfect.  Let yesterday go.  You can start fresh everyday.  Every moment is a fresh, new start.

          My world is now perfect.  I simple broke my own Laws of the Subconscious and suffered the result.  Let this be a lesson to you.  Don’t go where I went. You may not come back.  Thank God, I came back, and I mean that literally!

          The End!  Heavens, no! This is just the beginning!

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Chapter 38..Letters...I Get Letters